Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
by SuzieQ8487
Summary: Nothing makes sense without you. A Journey Christmas oneshot.


**A/N: **Hey guys. I hope everyone had a great turkey day! This is a Journey **CHRISTMAS! **one-shot. Circa 2003. So Journey are still married, but separated. I'm pretty sure that it'll be pretty straight-forward. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

Oh, and I've got Falling To Pieces Chapter 2 all set and ready to go, it'll probably be up tomorrow.

_Italicized_ words are either song lyrics or quotes from previous Journey conversations. You're all smart cookies. You'll be able to decipher between the two!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. When do I ever?

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Courtney held the lapels of her jacket closer to her face, trying to block out the brisk December wind.

To be more specific, the December 24th wind. The Christmas Eve wind. She should be home, celebrating with her husband and her brother, her best friend and her nephews, but she couldn't.

She'd made her decision, and it just was not fair to Jason for her to keep sending him those longing looks. She wouldn't dangle him along. Courtney absolutely refused to hurt him anymore than she already had.

Staying away, at least until the holidays were over, was the best thing she could do for him.

Sighing, Courtney took a seat, most often occupied by her own husband, on a bench at the docks. Here, looking out over the water, she'd always been able to clear her head. So why couldn't she now? Why couldn't she stop thinking about the damn divorce papers that she didn't want to sign. The damn alimony that Jason insisted on giving her. Damn Jason Morgan.

Sometimes she wished she'd never met him.

Then, Courtney thought about everything they'd gone through. Everything that made her love him with her entire heart.

"_I've tried to stop loving you. I mean, I told myself that the hurt will go away. You know, maybe it will. But the love won't. Not now. Not ever." _

Courtney tried to shake the memory out of her head, and think of something else. Brian? He was a nice enough guy, clearly cared about her… but he wasn't and would never be, Jason. And like everything else, thinking about Brian led her back to memories of her life with Jason.

"_Jason, I love you. Ok, I took Michael and Morgan to safety, but I didn't leave our marriage. I never will."_

"_I won't leave either." _

Courtney almost chuckled at the memory. It was a little more than a month since she'd left Hayes Landing, and she'd left her marriage. Granted, with a heavy heart and remaining love for her husband. Nevertheless, she packed her things, rode that elevator down, and rented a room above Kelly's.

Somehow, Courtney had managed to break his heart. And she'd always thought that he would have been the one to break hers.

She placed her head in her gloved hands, and began to cry.

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
__Let your heart be light  
__From now on,  
__Our troubles will be out of sight_

Jason had been prepared to go down to Puerto Rico for the holidays and supervise the casinos, but he wanted to stay for the boys.

And his wife.

Jason knew the holidays were going to be hard on the both of them, but he figured that somehow, they'd make it through all right. It was Christmas Eve, snow was forecasted, and all Jason wanted was to run to Kelly's, sweep his wife off her feet, and take her to their loft.

He let a smile form on his lips before replacing it with a frown. Courtney wouldn't go for that.

Continuing his walk down to the docks, Jason heard his cell phone ringing. He took a glance at the caller ID.

Carly.

And he shoved the phone back in his pocket. The last thing Jason needed was Carly's marriage problems on top of his own.

A flash of gold caught the corner of Jason's eye. His wedding ring. Jason remembered the day, only a few short months ago, very vividly. Courtney had never looked more beautiful, and even though he'd had to wear a stupid monkey suit, it had all been worth it the minute he'd looked into her eyes.

God, he needed to hit something. Or someone. Jason had never really been a jealous man before he'd met his wife. But something inside him snapped whenever another man approached her, or tried to make a pass at her. Jean-Louie from the hotel…serenading her, looking into her eyes… Jason threw him out of the room so fast he hadn't know what hit him…

"_No serenading, no talking and don't look at my fiancée, okay? That's it. That's the last time you're going to look at her. Bye."_

Shaking his head at the memory, Jason stopped short when he saw a blonde woman,crying on a bench.

It didn't take him two seconds to run over to his wife and place his hand on her shoulder.

It didn't take Courtney two seconds to jump into his arms.

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
__Make the Yule-tide gay  
__From now on,  
__Our troubles will be miles away_

Sobbing into his leather jacket, Courtney tried to get a hold of herself. But somehow, all her reservations were slowly melting away as he held her, soothed her.

"Did someone hurt you?" Jason asked cautiously, not wanting to upset her even further, but needing to know.

She shook her head no.

"Were you threatened?" Jason prodded.

No again.

"Were you…"

"No one threatened me. No one touched me. No one hurt me. It's Christmas Eve, and I'm alone. And I'm sad." Courtney said as she moved away from him and turned her back towards the water.

Jason himself had backed up a few steps at her words. He was sad too.

"I came down here to think. I tried to think of anything, anyone, but you. It didn't happen." Courtney admitted, still not facing Jason. "I miss you, but I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"Then don't." Jason said softly.

Courtney let out a harsh laugh. "Care to tell me how?"

Jason stepped forward, close enough that he could catch her scent. He closed his eyes for a second before speaking. "Come home. I promise that we can work everything out. I won't let our marriage fail. I'll be stronger for you, I'll love you better, I promise that I'll make dinner every night so you don't have to…" Courtney turned around. "Just please come home. Nothing makes sense without you."

_Here we are as in olden days  
__Happy golden days of yore  
__Faithful friends who are dear to us  
__Gather near to us once more_

The pain in his voice was so real, so deep, that Courtney put her hand to her throat and choked back a sob. How could she go home? How could they compromise on this?

"Jason…" Courtney began but Jason interrupted her.

"Please Courtney. You don't have to stay if it's not working, if we really can't fix what we broke, I'll just have to find some way to get over you. But we still love each other, and I can't give you up."

Courtney looked at her husband thoughtfully. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. His cheeks were red from the bitter wind and cold. And he was beautiful.

"You remember our first Christmas together? We were still in the loft, and I was upset because I had to decorate my tree with my Dad instead of you?"

Not understanding what the point was, Jason nodded.

"We were still being secretive, no one knew about us and our relationship. No one was there to get in our way. I'd been thinking about you all day, the whole time I was with my Dad. Then I came home, and there you were. Waiting just for me."

Courtney smiled at the memory, and watched her husband smile too. Their first Christmas together seemed like years ago.

"_It's a golden retriever. Just like Rosie. I love it. I love it." _

"We only needed one ornament on that tree. And while I was in Hayes Landing, I was thinking about what we would do for a tree this year. I couldn't picture anything else on our tree, just that one ornament of Rosie. It was perfect."

"It was perfect. The first Christmas tree I've ever loved." Jason admitted, much to his wife's delight.

Courtney nodded slowly, before she looked down at the ground. When Jason heard her sniff, he walked over to her and lifted her face with both his hands.

She was crying again.

"What's wrong, Courtney? Let me take you home, you're freezing." Jason said as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms, making her cry even more.

"I don't know where home is for me Jason! I have nowhere to go!" Courtney tried to distance herself from Jason, but he wouldn't allow it.

"You have a home with me. You always will."

"But how can we be together if I can't accept the things you do?" Courtney sobbed, really wrenching herself away from Jason, just in time to see the first flakes of the season begin to fall.

"I love you. That's why we should be together. That is the only reason why we should be together."

"Jason, you know… you know I love you. I just-" Courtney trailed off, spinning around to look at her husband through the snow.

"Just what?" Jason asked.

"I don't know what to do." Defeated, Courtney dropped her hands to her sides and let the tears fall.

"Come here." Jason held out his arms and Courtney ran into them. He held her in his embrace, whispered sweet nothings in her ear, perfectly content to just stay there with her, until he felt her shivering.

"Jason" she mumbled from her spot on his chest.

"Yeah?" He asked, kissing her head and stroking her hair.

"I love you."

"Does that mean you'll come home with me? At least on a trial basis?" he felt Courtney chuckle, and his heart warmed.

"I have a feeling that everything will work out." Courtney pulled her head back and touched Jason's face. "I have a feeling that I'm going to love you forever."

"Well, that's good. Because I got a lot of presents under the tree with your name on them."

"Jason, we didn't get a tree this year…"

"I got one. It's at the penthouse. It's a pretty nice one too." Jason kissed his wife's forehead and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"The boys help you decorate it?" Courtney felt Jason's hands slide down to grasp her hips. She wiggled closer.

"They asked. I said no."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want them fighting over who puts the ornament on the tree, since there's only one. And anyways, this ornament is sort of special to me, so I wanted to put it on myself."

"Jason…"

"Courtney."

"Merry Christmas, I'm glad I'm coming home with you. To our tree."

"It's going to be a very merry Christmas. All I need is you. But you're right. The tree is a pretty nice touch."

Courtney giggled and hit him playfully in the chest before he pulled her in for a kiss, as the snow fell gently around them.

_Through the years we all will be together  
__If the Fates allow  
__Hang a shining star upon the highest bough  
__And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

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_

Transcripts courtesy of Journey Online.  
Song Credit to Clay Aiken. "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"


End file.
